I'm tired continued

I am feeling apathetic on everything. I can't get excited for anything at all. And it is frustrating me. It is making me really irritable.

I don't think I'm drained of anything but it's cuz i'm not on good terms w/ God so i'm not getting refueled. so i'm either bout to run on empty or I am empty.

It's so bad that I caught myself sometime last week about to minister to someone out of myself. Fortunately, I was able to catch myself be4 i started ministering and stopped the convo (which made me sad to do it cuz i haven't talked to this person for a while)

I don't think I should depend/wait on fall retreat but I can't wait for it. I hope I am able to find rest in God and also be willing to be still before God. I'm even excited to drive cuz for some reason, I can think/be at rest when I drive. I love driving...hehe.

I really don't know what I should be praying for or what my prayer request is. But I do want rest, I do want to be willing to be still and spend time w/ God, and I want to have that time w/ God.

Sorry for all the random thoughts and these two blogs of "complaing"/"pain"/w.e. but this is b/c I am not okay and I am slowly processing all of it.

Please bare with me as I go through all of this and I hope I am able to blog about this to the end so God may be glorified through all of this.

Thank you for reading, listening, and being there.

i'm tired

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/deeper-walk/blog/18644-heavy-laden-at-a-party

Come to me all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30)

Do i trust in His yoke?

Am i able to come to Him?

Is my view of God big enough to trust that I will find rest, that His burden is light, that I can solely depend and lean on Him?

I'm scared of the pain, the hurt, I want to be protected from all of it, I want my friends to be protected from all of it but that is not what is promised.

But there will be a day when there is no more pain and no more tears.

I want that day to come now.

View of God

I enter into the throne room. I walk towards the throne and stand a few feet away from it.

He is there standing in front of His throne. Arms wide open. He is shining. Glorious. Majestic. Holy.

I go down on my knees and bow down. Amazed. Humbled. Broken. Crying.

He walks to me. Lifts up my face and embraces me in His arms. He lifts me up, still in His arms.

I cry in His shoulders. Everything flows out. Tears from all the pain. Tears of joy. Everything.

This is what I see when I close my eyes and think of God. This is my view of God.

What do you see? Who is your God?