Lead Me

Lead me is a song done by Sanctus Real. It's a really good song with awesome lyrics. Check it out here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAKBXBXz1fo&feature=related

I rewrote some of the last lyrics as some type of a prayer.

So Father, give me the strength 

To be everything I'm called to be

Oh Father show me the way

To lead them

Won't You lead me?

To lead them with wisdom

To trust You for all things

Don't want to leave them hungry for love

Chasing things other than you Lord

Show them just how much you love them

That they may feel safe and cared for

So we can call You our home

Lead us cause we can't do this alone

Father, lead me cause I can't do this alone

let Him love me

God loves me. He loves me a lot.

He loves me too much for me to go down certain roads and sometimes that means allowing hurt into my life.

At times I am so thankful for this love and at times I don't understand why He would do this, I would be in a lot of hurt, and I would be angry at Him, maybe even to the point of hating Him.

I am at one of those points right now.

There is so much hurt going on right now in my life and I long for love, I long for comfort, I long to be held, I long for peace, and I long for so much more. And this hurt has given me a skewed view of God's love.

And I know only God can provide all of this for me and completely satisfy my needs and longings but I am so scared of letting Him love me b/c of all the hurt He has allowed into my life right now.

There is a "cry in my heart" for Him and there is also a wall in my heart holding Him back or trying to hold Him back.

Will I let Him love me? care for me?

It is the only option I have b/c I cannot seek and rely on people to complete me or satisfy me and the truth is I am so scared of letting Him love me.

I am so scared. I have been hurt, I am angry at God, and I am not letting Him be by my side and hold me.

I am so scared. I am hurt, I long for God, I long for Him to hold me.

Will I let Him love me? Idk...I know the right answers and what I need and all but I just don't know...

I can say that I'll let Him love me but Idk if I really am b/c this is such a process and not a change in one day thing. So we will see...I hope that I will let Him love me b/c I need Him more than anything/anyone else.

(I also know there is more to life than this, there is eternity, but that is another convo/thought/blog for another time)

1040

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkQVzkpJbF8

http://1040movie.com/category/1040-updates

all i want

i hate sin...i hate sinning...i hate how easy it is for me to fall and to sin...i hate it.

i hate how easy it is for me to choose worldy things than God.

i not only sin against myself and others but i also sin against God each time I sin. I grieve God each time I sin and I hate it. I'm so sorry God.

I love it that God loves me so much He grieves when I sin. I love that I am forgiven. I love that I am accepted by Him no matter what because of Jesus Christ. I love that I can confess my sins to Him w/o being judged at all. He is not repulsed by me and I am thankful and I love it.

All I want is to no longer sin. All I want is to no longer grieve my Daddy who loves me and whom I love. All I want is to be filled to the brim by the Spirit and be empowered by Him so that I may become more and more like Christ, sin less and less, to lead well, to glorify God with everything I am and I do and please Him and as a result be completely satisfied in Him.

All I want is God. All I want is to live for Christ. All I want is to store up treasures in heaven. All I want is to live for eternity and enjoy the blessings He has given me and will give me.

I want to know God. I want to know His will for me. I want to no longer fall. I just want to stop sinning, it sucks failing so much....it hurts to fail so much...

Lord give me strength, the awareness, and the desire to no longer grieve your Spirit, to know and live like I am forgiven, to glorify you in everything I am and I do, to be completely satisfied in You and seek You and choose You, Your kingdom, and Your righteousness first.

what to do

i don't know what to do after I graduate.

I can go to med school, go to grad school for something, go into the workforce, or go into ministry vocationally.

I know I can and will be able to glorify God passionately wherever I go b/c I love glorifying God but what really makes me alive is doing ministry, going into ppl's lives and pointing 'em to God and see 'em learn more about God and also give me a bigger picture of God and I also love going side by side a person and support them w/ their ideas and dreams and be able to help 'em see it through and see the joy in 'em when it glorifies God and influences ppl towards God.

I'm scared...idk what to choose...idk what my calling is...my parents believe that those who choose ministry vocationally are called by God and can't turn back and that adds pressure on me like no other and that is why I'm so scared

I really seriously want to figure out what I'm called to do w/ my life for the rest of my life.

And I'm tired of keeping my options open and seeing God open and close doors...i'm tired of waiting...I want to know now

i'm so tired b/c i feel so powerless and it gets me angry as well and that is the same w/ me feeling scared...it is leading me to be angry as well

I'm growing impatient and I just want to know what I'm supposed to do w/ my life after I graduate sooooo bad. I guess you can say I'm desperate.

I leave this blog on a cliffhanger b/c this is a cry and just a major spill of thoughts and emotions that I just can't process through b/c I am as well overwhelmed by everything...sigh...

love your enemies

I got this from Sunday's sermon at Discovery:

the heart behind loving your enemies is not to guilt them and make them feel bad as a method of revenge or payback but it is to point them to Christ, to point them towards God and His love for them and His desire for them to turn to Him and love Him. We love our enemies so they may be able to experience God's love for them, be humbled, and run towards God and yield to His will, not to get revenge or make them pay for what they have done. So they may not experience the chains of guilt, shame, and/or fear but so they may experience freedom from those very chains that even haunts us at times. This too is so we may also experience freedom from anger and wanting to get revenge and be able to experience the freedom, the comfort, and joy of trusting God w/ everything and that it will be good, pleasing, and perfect.

this is not a direct quote but my own wording of what I learned and further thoughts

desert song

Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow