miserable

wow...i'm quite miserable. and idk why i am.

help. please.

no basketball

my body is the dwelling place of the Lord.
I need to stop deteriorating it.
I need to start taking care of it and start acting like it is a temple of the Lord.

so...goodbye basketball for a while...

basketball

i've made so many stupid decisions. so many bad ones.
i can't play basketball like this. w/o any support, it's useless, it's just not the same.

want

i want to see God.
i want to see Him move. not just this week but this whole year. not just in Davis but the whole world.
i want to be in awe.
i want to have no choice but to be on my knees when i pray/praise/think and then be able to rise when He calls me b/c of His power and love.
i want to be focused on Him.
i want to trust Him.
i want God to be glorified, His kingdom to come, and His will to be done.

naked

i was raised to perform. i was raised to wear a mask.
i was raised to have a habit of hiding the bad parts of me and show the good parts of me.
at most times, i'm scared of people really knowing me because i dont want people to leave or reject me.
but I have Christ. and He wants it all. He wants me to reveal all.

what if, what if i come to you ( body of believers) naked, vulnerable, transparent, the true struggling, selfish, hot tempered, begging, needy, etc. Gabe? would you accept me?

why? it's too much

why am i going thru all this? why is there so much pain? there's so much...i can't take this.

why God? why is this happening? why are You taking me thru this? it's so much.

tell me why. why now and why this? i just don't understand.

no such thing as perfect people

Perfect People by Natalie Grant

Never let 'em see you when you're breaking
Never let 'em see you when you fall
That's how we live and that's how we try
Tell the world you've got it all together
Never let them see what's underneath
Cover it up with a crooked smile
But it only lasts for a little while

[CHORUS:]
There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scarred
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God

Suddenly it's like a weight is lifted
When you hear the words that you are loved
He knows where you are and where you've been
And you never have to go there again

[CHORUS]

Who lived and died to give new life
To heal our imperfections
So look up and see love. Let grace be enough

[CHORUS]

By a perfect God [5x]

Be changed by a perfect God
Be changed


Seriously, we put faces and act so we look like we are perfect. even our parents expect us to be perfect and we fall into that lie and we live our lives trying not to disappoint them. and i am hecka tired of this.

when will parents realize there is no such thing as perfect people and stop pressuring us to be perfect?

when will we children realize there is no such thing as perfect people and stop believing this lie and break under this pressure and destroy ourselves by being emotionally healthy or things?

when will we all realize that there is a perfect God that we can look up to as a model ( a perfect model) instead of looking for what the world tells us to be?

when will we realize that only this perfect God can change us?