God loves me. He loves me a lot.
He loves me too much for me to go down certain roads and sometimes that means allowing hurt into my life.
At times I am so thankful for this love and at times I don't understand why He would do this, I would be in a lot of hurt, and I would be angry at Him, maybe even to the point of hating Him.
I am at one of those points right now.
There is so much hurt going on right now in my life and I long for love, I long for comfort, I long to be held, I long for peace, and I long for so much more. And this hurt has given me a skewed view of God's love.
And I know only God can provide all of this for me and completely satisfy my needs and longings but I am so scared of letting Him love me b/c of all the hurt He has allowed into my life right now.
There is a "cry in my heart" for Him and there is also a wall in my heart holding Him back or trying to hold Him back.
Will I let Him love me? care for me?
It is the only option I have b/c I cannot seek and rely on people to complete me or satisfy me and the truth is I am so scared of letting Him love me.
I am so scared. I have been hurt, I am angry at God, and I am not letting Him be by my side and hold me.
I am so scared. I am hurt, I long for God, I long for Him to hold me.
Will I let Him love me? Idk...I know the right answers and what I need and all but I just don't know...
I can say that I'll let Him love me but Idk if I really am b/c this is such a process and not a change in one day thing. So we will see...I hope that I will let Him love me b/c I need Him more than anything/anyone else.
(I also know there is more to life than this, there is eternity, but that is another convo/thought/blog for another time)
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
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