Yoda: You must unlearn what you have learned.
Luke: I don't, I don't believe it.
Yoda: That is why you fail.
Luke: I can't. It's too big.
Yoda: Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship.
Luke: You ask for the impossible.
These are quotes that stood out to me when watching a scene between Luke and Yoda in Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes back. In this scene, Luke's X-Wing sank deep into the bog/swamp and the conversation is about Luke's disbelief in being able to get the X-Wing out and his frustration after a failed attempt of using the force to get his ship out.
I find Yoda a very wise character. I love what he says in this conversation. I also find that I can relate to Luke a lot. This is the reason why:
People/we/I have to unlearn what we have learned. Talking to Tim, I realized that this is a major theme of college ministry. That we have to unlearn the lies that we thought were truth. Lies of who God is, how God works, what identifies us, what can satisfy us, the purpose of life, what evangelism is, what the gospel is, etc. We have to unlearn these lies so that we can learn what is actually the truth. The truth of who God is, how He works, how much He loves us, how much He can satisfy us, how much He has done for us and will do for us, why evangelize, what the implications of the gospel are, what to hope for, what the reason for living is, what the purpose of life is, and so much more.
I also find that there is a difference between knowing these truths and believing it. And like Yoda infers, we fail because we do not believe. I fail because I do not believe. Whenever I fail or continue to fail, it is because somehow someway my mind or heart or both does not believe these truths that I am learning or have learned.
From these past few months, one of the things I've learned is that truth heals. When I believe in truth that God is working, God is sovereign, God is good, He loves me, He is working things out for good for me, His healing is permanent, and so much more truths, it increases my hope and expectancy to see God's glory. It overwhelms all the pain and the hurt. It destroys all the lies that I fight and struggle with.
Even more than this, with Yoda's last quote, who am I to judge this pain/trial by its size or how much it hurts. God is my ally. And a powerful ally He is.And unlike the force which is fictional although Yoda says it is everywhere, God is real and He truly is everywhere. He truly is all powerful and He truly is my ally, YOUR ally; and nothing will separate us from Him and His love for us. And I mean nothing. God has promised that and He will follow through.
Luke ends the conversation by saying that Yoda asks for the impossible and then Yoda proves him wrong by lifting the X-Wing out using the force. But I want to say to Luke that, no! nothing is impossible. In that fictional world, nothing is impossible with the force (except a few things as we learned in episode III). But in reality, in this real world, it is completely true that nothing is impossible with God. And I really do mean nothing.
God is our powerful ally and this is a truth among many that we must learn and believe.
So I leave you with this:
Unlearn lies. Learn truth. Believe truth. Live with truth. Teach truth. God loves you. He will never forsake you. Nothing is impossible with Him. He will follow through on His promises. He is good. He is in control.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Beautfiul- Mercy Me
The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
And praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skys above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to death
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
In His eyes
You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
And praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skys above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to death
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
In His eyes
You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
free
I am free to love and be loved.
You are free to love and be loved.
God loves me and sent His son to die for me, to bear all my sins and all the sins of the world on the cross for me. And He proclaimed His victory on the 3rd day by rising from the dead.
His death, His life, His sacrifice, His love and so much more that is His and of Him has freed me from my chains, from the chains of slavery to sin, to death, to the consequences of sin. And has redeemed me to be free and to love.
This implies that I am also free from my fears, my insecurities, my hurts and pains b/c of His love for me, b/c I am accepted, b/c I am protected.
Because of the gospel, because of the cross, because of what Jesus has done, I don't have to be scared of being hurt, of being lonely and so much more because I am now God's son and He holds me w/ His strong loving constant hands.
This tells me that it is ok for me to risk my heart, so I can love and let myself be loved b/c even if I am hurt (more like when I am hurt) b/c of betrayal or disappointment or what not He still holds me, He still loves me. Basically I will always have God and His love and He is bigger than all of this pain and hurt.
Jesus not only has set me free from hell and my sins winning over me but also has set me free from my fears b/c of His perfect love for me.
Because of Jesus, I am free to love and be loved. This is true and yet I have trouble believing it in my heart b/c of the hurt that I have and am going through and the lies that I have been told by the enemy and me listening to them and the consequences of those hurts and listening to those lies.
And I hope that this does not take anything away from you believing that God loves you and b/c of what He has done; YOU are FREE to LOVE AND BE LOVED.
there's a lot of implications that I'm still processing and unpacking to this statement so think about it and give me ideas as well.
You are free to love and be loved.
God loves me and sent His son to die for me, to bear all my sins and all the sins of the world on the cross for me. And He proclaimed His victory on the 3rd day by rising from the dead.
His death, His life, His sacrifice, His love and so much more that is His and of Him has freed me from my chains, from the chains of slavery to sin, to death, to the consequences of sin. And has redeemed me to be free and to love.
This implies that I am also free from my fears, my insecurities, my hurts and pains b/c of His love for me, b/c I am accepted, b/c I am protected.
Because of the gospel, because of the cross, because of what Jesus has done, I don't have to be scared of being hurt, of being lonely and so much more because I am now God's son and He holds me w/ His strong loving constant hands.
This tells me that it is ok for me to risk my heart, so I can love and let myself be loved b/c even if I am hurt (more like when I am hurt) b/c of betrayal or disappointment or what not He still holds me, He still loves me. Basically I will always have God and His love and He is bigger than all of this pain and hurt.
Jesus not only has set me free from hell and my sins winning over me but also has set me free from my fears b/c of His perfect love for me.
Because of Jesus, I am free to love and be loved. This is true and yet I have trouble believing it in my heart b/c of the hurt that I have and am going through and the lies that I have been told by the enemy and me listening to them and the consequences of those hurts and listening to those lies.
And I hope that this does not take anything away from you believing that God loves you and b/c of what He has done; YOU are FREE to LOVE AND BE LOVED.
there's a lot of implications that I'm still processing and unpacking to this statement so think about it and give me ideas as well.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
food for thought
I am about to butcher this quote cuz I can't remember it exactly:
"Life is not to be lived to hear how much people care about you, but to tell people how much you care about them." - Hannah
I really have to think about this and it's implications and what it really means but it is so true. Thank you Hannah.
"Life is not to be lived to hear how much people care about you, but to tell people how much you care about them." - Hannah
I really have to think about this and it's implications and what it really means but it is so true. Thank you Hannah.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Lead Me
Lead me is a song done by Sanctus Real. It's a really good song with awesome lyrics. Check it out here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAKBXBXz1fo&feature=related
I rewrote some of the last lyrics as some type of a prayer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAKBXBXz1fo&feature=related
I rewrote some of the last lyrics as some type of a prayer.
So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh Father show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?
To lead them with wisdom
To trust You for all things
Don't want to leave them hungry for love
Chasing things other than you Lord
Show them just how much you love them
That they may feel safe and cared for
So we can call You our home
Lead us cause we can't do this alone
Father, lead me cause I can't do this alone
Thursday, September 30, 2010
let Him love me
God loves me. He loves me a lot.
He loves me too much for me to go down certain roads and sometimes that means allowing hurt into my life.
At times I am so thankful for this love and at times I don't understand why He would do this, I would be in a lot of hurt, and I would be angry at Him, maybe even to the point of hating Him.
I am at one of those points right now.
There is so much hurt going on right now in my life and I long for love, I long for comfort, I long to be held, I long for peace, and I long for so much more. And this hurt has given me a skewed view of God's love.
And I know only God can provide all of this for me and completely satisfy my needs and longings but I am so scared of letting Him love me b/c of all the hurt He has allowed into my life right now.
There is a "cry in my heart" for Him and there is also a wall in my heart holding Him back or trying to hold Him back.
Will I let Him love me? care for me?
It is the only option I have b/c I cannot seek and rely on people to complete me or satisfy me and the truth is I am so scared of letting Him love me.
I am so scared. I have been hurt, I am angry at God, and I am not letting Him be by my side and hold me.
I am so scared. I am hurt, I long for God, I long for Him to hold me.
Will I let Him love me? Idk...I know the right answers and what I need and all but I just don't know...
I can say that I'll let Him love me but Idk if I really am b/c this is such a process and not a change in one day thing. So we will see...I hope that I will let Him love me b/c I need Him more than anything/anyone else.
(I also know there is more to life than this, there is eternity, but that is another convo/thought/blog for another time)
He loves me too much for me to go down certain roads and sometimes that means allowing hurt into my life.
At times I am so thankful for this love and at times I don't understand why He would do this, I would be in a lot of hurt, and I would be angry at Him, maybe even to the point of hating Him.
I am at one of those points right now.
There is so much hurt going on right now in my life and I long for love, I long for comfort, I long to be held, I long for peace, and I long for so much more. And this hurt has given me a skewed view of God's love.
And I know only God can provide all of this for me and completely satisfy my needs and longings but I am so scared of letting Him love me b/c of all the hurt He has allowed into my life right now.
There is a "cry in my heart" for Him and there is also a wall in my heart holding Him back or trying to hold Him back.
Will I let Him love me? care for me?
It is the only option I have b/c I cannot seek and rely on people to complete me or satisfy me and the truth is I am so scared of letting Him love me.
I am so scared. I have been hurt, I am angry at God, and I am not letting Him be by my side and hold me.
I am so scared. I am hurt, I long for God, I long for Him to hold me.
Will I let Him love me? Idk...I know the right answers and what I need and all but I just don't know...
I can say that I'll let Him love me but Idk if I really am b/c this is such a process and not a change in one day thing. So we will see...I hope that I will let Him love me b/c I need Him more than anything/anyone else.
(I also know there is more to life than this, there is eternity, but that is another convo/thought/blog for another time)
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
all i want
i hate sin...i hate sinning...i hate how easy it is for me to fall and to sin...i hate it.
i hate how easy it is for me to choose worldy things than God.
i not only sin against myself and others but i also sin against God each time I sin. I grieve God each time I sin and I hate it. I'm so sorry God.
I love it that God loves me so much He grieves when I sin. I love that I am forgiven. I love that I am accepted by Him no matter what because of Jesus Christ. I love that I can confess my sins to Him w/o being judged at all. He is not repulsed by me and I am thankful and I love it.
All I want is to no longer sin. All I want is to no longer grieve my Daddy who loves me and whom I love. All I want is to be filled to the brim by the Spirit and be empowered by Him so that I may become more and more like Christ, sin less and less, to lead well, to glorify God with everything I am and I do and please Him and as a result be completely satisfied in Him.
All I want is God. All I want is to live for Christ. All I want is to store up treasures in heaven. All I want is to live for eternity and enjoy the blessings He has given me and will give me.
I want to know God. I want to know His will for me. I want to no longer fall. I just want to stop sinning, it sucks failing so much....it hurts to fail so much...
Lord give me strength, the awareness, and the desire to no longer grieve your Spirit, to know and live like I am forgiven, to glorify you in everything I am and I do, to be completely satisfied in You and seek You and choose You, Your kingdom, and Your righteousness first.
i hate how easy it is for me to choose worldy things than God.
i not only sin against myself and others but i also sin against God each time I sin. I grieve God each time I sin and I hate it. I'm so sorry God.
I love it that God loves me so much He grieves when I sin. I love that I am forgiven. I love that I am accepted by Him no matter what because of Jesus Christ. I love that I can confess my sins to Him w/o being judged at all. He is not repulsed by me and I am thankful and I love it.
All I want is to no longer sin. All I want is to no longer grieve my Daddy who loves me and whom I love. All I want is to be filled to the brim by the Spirit and be empowered by Him so that I may become more and more like Christ, sin less and less, to lead well, to glorify God with everything I am and I do and please Him and as a result be completely satisfied in Him.
All I want is God. All I want is to live for Christ. All I want is to store up treasures in heaven. All I want is to live for eternity and enjoy the blessings He has given me and will give me.
I want to know God. I want to know His will for me. I want to no longer fall. I just want to stop sinning, it sucks failing so much....it hurts to fail so much...
Lord give me strength, the awareness, and the desire to no longer grieve your Spirit, to know and live like I am forgiven, to glorify you in everything I am and I do, to be completely satisfied in You and seek You and choose You, Your kingdom, and Your righteousness first.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
what to do
i don't know what to do after I graduate.
I can go to med school, go to grad school for something, go into the workforce, or go into ministry vocationally.
I know I can and will be able to glorify God passionately wherever I go b/c I love glorifying God but what really makes me alive is doing ministry, going into ppl's lives and pointing 'em to God and see 'em learn more about God and also give me a bigger picture of God and I also love going side by side a person and support them w/ their ideas and dreams and be able to help 'em see it through and see the joy in 'em when it glorifies God and influences ppl towards God.
I'm scared...idk what to choose...idk what my calling is...my parents believe that those who choose ministry vocationally are called by God and can't turn back and that adds pressure on me like no other and that is why I'm so scared
I really seriously want to figure out what I'm called to do w/ my life for the rest of my life.
And I'm tired of keeping my options open and seeing God open and close doors...i'm tired of waiting...I want to know now
i'm so tired b/c i feel so powerless and it gets me angry as well and that is the same w/ me feeling scared...it is leading me to be angry as well
I'm growing impatient and I just want to know what I'm supposed to do w/ my life after I graduate sooooo bad. I guess you can say I'm desperate.
I leave this blog on a cliffhanger b/c this is a cry and just a major spill of thoughts and emotions that I just can't process through b/c I am as well overwhelmed by everything...sigh...
I can go to med school, go to grad school for something, go into the workforce, or go into ministry vocationally.
I know I can and will be able to glorify God passionately wherever I go b/c I love glorifying God but what really makes me alive is doing ministry, going into ppl's lives and pointing 'em to God and see 'em learn more about God and also give me a bigger picture of God and I also love going side by side a person and support them w/ their ideas and dreams and be able to help 'em see it through and see the joy in 'em when it glorifies God and influences ppl towards God.
I'm scared...idk what to choose...idk what my calling is...my parents believe that those who choose ministry vocationally are called by God and can't turn back and that adds pressure on me like no other and that is why I'm so scared
I really seriously want to figure out what I'm called to do w/ my life for the rest of my life.
And I'm tired of keeping my options open and seeing God open and close doors...i'm tired of waiting...I want to know now
i'm so tired b/c i feel so powerless and it gets me angry as well and that is the same w/ me feeling scared...it is leading me to be angry as well
I'm growing impatient and I just want to know what I'm supposed to do w/ my life after I graduate sooooo bad. I guess you can say I'm desperate.
I leave this blog on a cliffhanger b/c this is a cry and just a major spill of thoughts and emotions that I just can't process through b/c I am as well overwhelmed by everything...sigh...
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
love your enemies
I got this from Sunday's sermon at Discovery:
the heart behind loving your enemies is not to guilt them and make them feel bad as a method of revenge or payback but it is to point them to Christ, to point them towards God and His love for them and His desire for them to turn to Him and love Him. We love our enemies so they may be able to experience God's love for them, be humbled, and run towards God and yield to His will, not to get revenge or make them pay for what they have done. So they may not experience the chains of guilt, shame, and/or fear but so they may experience freedom from those very chains that even haunts us at times. This too is so we may also experience freedom from anger and wanting to get revenge and be able to experience the freedom, the comfort, and joy of trusting God w/ everything and that it will be good, pleasing, and perfect.
this is not a direct quote but my own wording of what I learned and further thoughts
the heart behind loving your enemies is not to guilt them and make them feel bad as a method of revenge or payback but it is to point them to Christ, to point them towards God and His love for them and His desire for them to turn to Him and love Him. We love our enemies so they may be able to experience God's love for them, be humbled, and run towards God and yield to His will, not to get revenge or make them pay for what they have done. So they may not experience the chains of guilt, shame, and/or fear but so they may experience freedom from those very chains that even haunts us at times. This too is so we may also experience freedom from anger and wanting to get revenge and be able to experience the freedom, the comfort, and joy of trusting God w/ everything and that it will be good, pleasing, and perfect.
this is not a direct quote but my own wording of what I learned and further thoughts
Thursday, July 1, 2010
desert song
Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides
Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
sunday
this past sunday was a good day. the best dat i've had in a long time and it was only b/c of God. It was like He was talking to me the whole day in one long conversation.
this was the conversation:
Hebrews 12
sermon at discovery: http://www.discoverychristianchurch.org/main/sermons/160
3 boundless blogs that i read:
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002307.cfm
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002308.cfm
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002309.cfm
sunday was a good day. i don't think this was a sign or omen for anything but a general conversation about who God is and God just revealing to me more of Him and how He loves me. It's amazing and I love my God and He is good.
on a side note, I'm excited to take my first sabbath in about 2-3 weeks this next sunday the 4th from 12am to 12am. I definitely need it, definitely felt the difference of not having one every week.
this was the conversation:
Hebrews 12
sermon at discovery: http://www.discoverychristianchurch.org/main/sermons/160
3 boundless blogs that i read:
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002307.cfm
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002308.cfm
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002309.cfm
sunday was a good day. i don't think this was a sign or omen for anything but a general conversation about who God is and God just revealing to me more of Him and how He loves me. It's amazing and I love my God and He is good.
on a side note, I'm excited to take my first sabbath in about 2-3 weeks this next sunday the 4th from 12am to 12am. I definitely need it, definitely felt the difference of not having one every week.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
legacy
What will they say when I'm gone,
In words that are written in stone?
Under my name, what will they claim about me?
Oh, I want to leave a legacy to be remembered.
More than just a memory that fades away
Because we only, we only get one life
Free me, my hands are tied
I'm so tired of wasting time
These endless inventions
Steal my attention from real life
And when its done, when its over
Oh, I want to leave a legacy to be remembered
More than just a memory that fades away
Because we only, we only get one life
And will the world see Christ
When they look at my life?
Oh, will the world see?
Mmm, come on, give me, give me, give me real life
And no more, no more, no more wasting time
Because we only, we only get one life (Just one Life)
Oh, I want to leave a legacy to be remembered
More than just a memory that fades away
Because we only, (Get one shot, at this one life) We only (One moment in time)
Because we only, we only get one life
song by sanctus real- not a bad song
i want to leave a legacy. a legacy of a life that Christ is seen in, that Christ is glorified. a life that lived for Christ, for eternity, that agape loved people both believers and non-believers, that was satisfied only by God, a life that impacted people to pursue God, to know Him more and more, to get others to know Him, and to be known by Him.
I want to leave a legacy that glorifies God, that is for Christ.
I want to be remembered as a follower of Christ that is always in process.
I want to have an impact on this world for Christ. I want to live for Christ.
Will the world see Christ when they look at my life? I hope it will see.
In words that are written in stone?
Under my name, what will they claim about me?
Oh, I want to leave a legacy to be remembered.
More than just a memory that fades away
Because we only, we only get one life
Free me, my hands are tied
I'm so tired of wasting time
These endless inventions
Steal my attention from real life
And when its done, when its over
Oh, I want to leave a legacy to be remembered
More than just a memory that fades away
Because we only, we only get one life
And will the world see Christ
When they look at my life?
Oh, will the world see?
Mmm, come on, give me, give me, give me real life
And no more, no more, no more wasting time
Because we only, we only get one life (Just one Life)
Oh, I want to leave a legacy to be remembered
More than just a memory that fades away
Because we only, (Get one shot, at this one life) We only (One moment in time)
Because we only, we only get one life
song by sanctus real- not a bad song
i want to leave a legacy. a legacy of a life that Christ is seen in, that Christ is glorified. a life that lived for Christ, for eternity, that agape loved people both believers and non-believers, that was satisfied only by God, a life that impacted people to pursue God, to know Him more and more, to get others to know Him, and to be known by Him.
I want to leave a legacy that glorifies God, that is for Christ.
I want to be remembered as a follower of Christ that is always in process.
I want to have an impact on this world for Christ. I want to live for Christ.
Will the world see Christ when they look at my life? I hope it will see.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
junior year
if i was to describe my junior year into a sentence or a phrase it would be: "coming into light."
if it was going to be a song, i would have no idea, because idk a song that would fit dat. oh wells.
a lot of things came into the light this past year.
i realized a lot about myself, about how my past affects me, the power of confession, things that were happening w/ other people, things that were happening w/ me, a lot about God and my relationship with Him...A LOT about God and my relationship with Him.
i learned that i still struggle w/ performing and being perfect. that when i get put into a leadership position, i struggle with fitting the model dat i teach or is taught in general perfectly. the problem with this year is that it included forcing myself to listen to ppl, to be vulnerable, and to show grace/love when i don't feel like it.
i learned that bringing things into the light by either confession or just plain old sharing is very free-ing.
i learned dat I love God a lot and I can't get enough of Him but also that I struggle w/ trusting Him and also seeing that He loves me personally for who I am, for me, and that I am of worth to pursue and stuff.
I learned that I think ppl only believe in me b/c of what I can do and what I already did.
I learned dat God does love me personally, that it is ok for me to fail, that I am of worth to pursue, and some ppl do believe in me b/c I am Gabe.
I learned dat God's standards are not people's standards and a lot of times, maybe all the time, i think ppl's standards are what God's standards are and if i meet ppl's standards, God is pleased and glorified. and that is not true all the time. God is pleased and glorified when I pursue Him and enjoy Him.
i also learned just how fallen my community is and that is okay and that I should not have put so much burden on them to satisfy me, to satisfy my needs to be pursued and comforted and so on. instead I should have sought that in God and always God first. to seek God's kingdom first.
i learned that God is awesome and being a part of being completely accepted by Him is that I can share about anything and communicate everything to Him b/c although He already knows, He wants us to talk to Him and to see Him as our Daddy in Heaven.
there is a lot more dat I learned over this past year and so much more as i live for Christ, it's been an up and down year emotionally and stuff but good b/c God is in control and He is good and all of this has been according to His will which I am learning/struggling to see and trust is good, pleasing, and perfect.
the most recent thing I learned is just how much I can miss someone and that it is okay to miss ppl and stuff and also that seeking God first in this does not mean dat i stop missing dat person but dat i acknowledge dat only God can satisfy me completely 24/7 without fail and dat I can miss dat person at peace knowing dat God does satisfy and dat it is ok.
to summarize how i feel or think or w.e. about this year:
I LOVE GOD! I CANT GET ENOUGH OF HIM!
if it was going to be a song, i would have no idea, because idk a song that would fit dat. oh wells.
a lot of things came into the light this past year.
i realized a lot about myself, about how my past affects me, the power of confession, things that were happening w/ other people, things that were happening w/ me, a lot about God and my relationship with Him...A LOT about God and my relationship with Him.
i learned that i still struggle w/ performing and being perfect. that when i get put into a leadership position, i struggle with fitting the model dat i teach or is taught in general perfectly. the problem with this year is that it included forcing myself to listen to ppl, to be vulnerable, and to show grace/love when i don't feel like it.
i learned that bringing things into the light by either confession or just plain old sharing is very free-ing.
i learned dat I love God a lot and I can't get enough of Him but also that I struggle w/ trusting Him and also seeing that He loves me personally for who I am, for me, and that I am of worth to pursue and stuff.
I learned that I think ppl only believe in me b/c of what I can do and what I already did.
I learned dat God does love me personally, that it is ok for me to fail, that I am of worth to pursue, and some ppl do believe in me b/c I am Gabe.
I learned dat God's standards are not people's standards and a lot of times, maybe all the time, i think ppl's standards are what God's standards are and if i meet ppl's standards, God is pleased and glorified. and that is not true all the time. God is pleased and glorified when I pursue Him and enjoy Him.
i also learned just how fallen my community is and that is okay and that I should not have put so much burden on them to satisfy me, to satisfy my needs to be pursued and comforted and so on. instead I should have sought that in God and always God first. to seek God's kingdom first.
i learned that God is awesome and being a part of being completely accepted by Him is that I can share about anything and communicate everything to Him b/c although He already knows, He wants us to talk to Him and to see Him as our Daddy in Heaven.
there is a lot more dat I learned over this past year and so much more as i live for Christ, it's been an up and down year emotionally and stuff but good b/c God is in control and He is good and all of this has been according to His will which I am learning/struggling to see and trust is good, pleasing, and perfect.
the most recent thing I learned is just how much I can miss someone and that it is okay to miss ppl and stuff and also that seeking God first in this does not mean dat i stop missing dat person but dat i acknowledge dat only God can satisfy me completely 24/7 without fail and dat I can miss dat person at peace knowing dat God does satisfy and dat it is ok.
to summarize how i feel or think or w.e. about this year:
I LOVE GOD! I CANT GET ENOUGH OF HIM!
Friday, June 18, 2010
fingerprints
God's fingerprints are everywhere!
I'm starting to realize and see this everywhere I go.
Like seeing the water show in front of the Bellagio. I could watch it for hours and not get old of it. It is so beautiful and creative. I am constantly in awe of it.
What makes it more awesome is that it reflects who God is. Someone had to program the show. To program when a certain spout will shoot water and also for how high, how long, and in what direction. It's amazing and putting it all together is so creative and just incredible. This in itself shows how incredible and creative our God is because this person/ppl were created in the image of God so they reflect God's characters and also the blessings God gives ppl, to His creation, to those He loves.
God is amazing :)
another is in songs like "I'll Stand by You." the lyrics could be said to be "corny" cuz of all dat lovey-dovey stuff. But some of these lyrics are very beautiful in how this person is expressing love and showing love. These lyrics also express God's love for us in one way or another. It gives us just a little glimpse because God's love is bigger and never ending and will not fail us unlike people's love.
I'm really starting to see God everywhere and how things can be seen/taken to worship God and be in awe of Him. To give God all the glory.
The question is...do I see God's fingerprints in my own life?
The answer is I don't at times and that is sad and frustrating for me because I know that He has done work in my life and is working in my life but it is so hard to see it at times especially when things are down/hard. Maybe it's time to stop seeing/just plainly knowing and having faith and believing that God is working and taking refuge in that. idk...maybe...just maybe.
I'm starting to realize and see this everywhere I go.
Like seeing the water show in front of the Bellagio. I could watch it for hours and not get old of it. It is so beautiful and creative. I am constantly in awe of it.
What makes it more awesome is that it reflects who God is. Someone had to program the show. To program when a certain spout will shoot water and also for how high, how long, and in what direction. It's amazing and putting it all together is so creative and just incredible. This in itself shows how incredible and creative our God is because this person/ppl were created in the image of God so they reflect God's characters and also the blessings God gives ppl, to His creation, to those He loves.
God is amazing :)
another is in songs like "I'll Stand by You." the lyrics could be said to be "corny" cuz of all dat lovey-dovey stuff. But some of these lyrics are very beautiful in how this person is expressing love and showing love. These lyrics also express God's love for us in one way or another. It gives us just a little glimpse because God's love is bigger and never ending and will not fail us unlike people's love.
I'm really starting to see God everywhere and how things can be seen/taken to worship God and be in awe of Him. To give God all the glory.
The question is...do I see God's fingerprints in my own life?
The answer is I don't at times and that is sad and frustrating for me because I know that He has done work in my life and is working in my life but it is so hard to see it at times especially when things are down/hard. Maybe it's time to stop seeing/just plainly knowing and having faith and believing that God is working and taking refuge in that. idk...maybe...just maybe.
Monday, May 31, 2010
i need a title
this article describes so much about me and stuff, way better than I can put into words myself.
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002297.cfm
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002297.cfm
Thursday, May 27, 2010
trust
"He was going to teach us trust by exemplifying trust. Instead of communicating a lack of confidence to us, God the Father chose to share His Son' mission with us. He made us partners in the family business!...He is modeling trust so that we trust back...God is willing to take the time to win our hearts by treating us nobly. He really trusts us." - Becoming Who God Intended
:'( I am so sorry God for not trusting you. I'm sorry that I am struggling with this. I'm sad that I am struggling with this. I am so happy that you are patient with me. I am humbled by your love to me and your affection to me.
Thank you Daddy for your love to me and how you see me and value me. Thank you for trusting me and adopting me as your son and treating me as an adult. May I respond properly and take care of my responsibilities.
"I am not the sum total of my past. I am the sum total of who God tells me I am. The responsibility of the person who is in that Third Family Group [dysfunctional or stressed family] is to exercise real faith in how God sees us and value us." - Becoming Who God Intended
Thank you for your work in me Lord. I've been a grown up for a long time officially but I haven't been acting like one. I haven't been acting like an adult, not wanting to really grow up. Thank you for humbling me and being oh so patient with me. You trust me because You really do love me and trust me and You are patiently waiting for me to respond to your affection w/ affection, to your love w/ love, to your trust w/ trust, and so on. You are amazing Lord. I love you so much. May I learn more about You and not only trust you but trust others esp. your other sons and daughters.
:'( I am so sorry God for not trusting you. I'm sorry that I am struggling with this. I'm sad that I am struggling with this. I am so happy that you are patient with me. I am humbled by your love to me and your affection to me.
Thank you Daddy for your love to me and how you see me and value me. Thank you for trusting me and adopting me as your son and treating me as an adult. May I respond properly and take care of my responsibilities.
"I am not the sum total of my past. I am the sum total of who God tells me I am. The responsibility of the person who is in that Third Family Group [dysfunctional or stressed family] is to exercise real faith in how God sees us and value us." - Becoming Who God Intended
Thank you for your work in me Lord. I've been a grown up for a long time officially but I haven't been acting like one. I haven't been acting like an adult, not wanting to really grow up. Thank you for humbling me and being oh so patient with me. You trust me because You really do love me and trust me and You are patiently waiting for me to respond to your affection w/ affection, to your love w/ love, to your trust w/ trust, and so on. You are amazing Lord. I love you so much. May I learn more about You and not only trust you but trust others esp. your other sons and daughters.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
gloriying God
I want and I desire so badly to glorify God with all I do, think, and feel. I even pray for this.
I have just recently learned that even though there is nothing wrong with this desire, it does not deal with anything about my motivation.
I may say that when I do this I hope it glorifies God but I now know that saying that means that glorifying God basically takes a backseat. That I do this thing for my own reasons and goals and hope that it also glorifies God.
This is all thanks to a convo I had with Hannah recently, quite recently actually.
In this convo, a new phrase came up, I don't remember from whose mouth, probably Hannah's, but it is I am doing this thing to glorify God.
This makes glorifying God the reason why I do things and puts God in the driver's seat of my life.
This idea seems so free-ing to me but this requires major trust in God, that Him being glorified may mean in things/results I did not expect/want and that takes major humbling.
It is gonna be so hard for me to really mean this saying and to trust God even more, if I even did in the first place, but I do want the reason why I do things to be that it is to glorify God or because it is glorifying to Him.
I want God to be truly first in my life b/c I know He is good and knows whats best for me. The problem is I don't trust that He knows what's best, I have problems trusting Him and I have no idea why and it hurts to know that I do not trust the God I love. that I don't trust my Daddy.
I pray, I wish, I desire for God to reveal to me the reason why and how I can trust Him (this is also hard cuz i usually try to figure things out myself). I want to glorify God. I want to do things to glorify Him or do things because it is glorifying to Him. I want to enjoy Him. I want to find satisfaction in only Him because only He can truly satisfy me.
Forgive me God for not trusting you, I pray that you reveal to me what's holding me back and guide me to be able to see your goodness and truly trust that you are good. May I do things to glorify you.
I have just recently learned that even though there is nothing wrong with this desire, it does not deal with anything about my motivation.
I may say that when I do this I hope it glorifies God but I now know that saying that means that glorifying God basically takes a backseat. That I do this thing for my own reasons and goals and hope that it also glorifies God.
This is all thanks to a convo I had with Hannah recently, quite recently actually.
In this convo, a new phrase came up, I don't remember from whose mouth, probably Hannah's, but it is I am doing this thing to glorify God.
This makes glorifying God the reason why I do things and puts God in the driver's seat of my life.
This idea seems so free-ing to me but this requires major trust in God, that Him being glorified may mean in things/results I did not expect/want and that takes major humbling.
It is gonna be so hard for me to really mean this saying and to trust God even more, if I even did in the first place, but I do want the reason why I do things to be that it is to glorify God or because it is glorifying to Him.
I want God to be truly first in my life b/c I know He is good and knows whats best for me. The problem is I don't trust that He knows what's best, I have problems trusting Him and I have no idea why and it hurts to know that I do not trust the God I love. that I don't trust my Daddy.
I pray, I wish, I desire for God to reveal to me the reason why and how I can trust Him (this is also hard cuz i usually try to figure things out myself). I want to glorify God. I want to do things to glorify Him or do things because it is glorifying to Him. I want to enjoy Him. I want to find satisfaction in only Him because only He can truly satisfy me.
Forgive me God for not trusting you, I pray that you reveal to me what's holding me back and guide me to be able to see your goodness and truly trust that you are good. May I do things to glorify you.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
bad week
it's been such a lame week right now
full of long days, not very good sleep hours, failures, mess ups, hurts, lost bikes, fears, new experiences
hard things to do even though the right thing to do
i so don't want to deal with school right now.
I find myself desiring to run to my Father and be in His presence, to be comforted by Him, to praise Him, to be satisfied in Him.
I just want to drop everything and go to Him and be with Him.
one good thing of this week: I am continuously going to my brothers and they and God never cease to amaze me, give me grace, and be very affirmative supportive and loving.
full of long days, not very good sleep hours, failures, mess ups, hurts, lost bikes, fears, new experiences
hard things to do even though the right thing to do
i so don't want to deal with school right now.
I find myself desiring to run to my Father and be in His presence, to be comforted by Him, to praise Him, to be satisfied in Him.
I just want to drop everything and go to Him and be with Him.
one good thing of this week: I am continuously going to my brothers and they and God never cease to amaze me, give me grace, and be very affirmative supportive and loving.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
living in the light
bringing things into the light is so freeing.
even though the consequences could be either positive or negative, it is so worth it.
i think that's also why God has us confess our sins even though He already knows what we did and He already has forgiven 'em.
we are to confess so we may experience not just the grace of forgiveness but the grace of freedom and the joy from being freed.
living in the light means that the darkness is exposed (scary) but also means that the darkness is expelled (awesome)
good thing God is light, which probably means that living in the light means living under God and His glory, living w/ Him. which makes our relationship w/ Him our lives.
i have no idea if this all makes sense but something I heard recently is that our relationship w/ God IS my life. or at least it should be.
and i also know this for sure, living in the light and bringing things of my past, my sins, my struggles, and my burdens out and actively letting God and people be a part of it is very freeing and leads me to enjoy God and His blessings so much more and in all this, He is glorified because this is only possible because of who He is, the cross, the gospel, His love, His grace, and so much more.
I love you God! Only You are worthy of my praise, my devotion, my desire and only You can satisfy me and my deepest needs/thirsts.
even though the consequences could be either positive or negative, it is so worth it.
i think that's also why God has us confess our sins even though He already knows what we did and He already has forgiven 'em.
we are to confess so we may experience not just the grace of forgiveness but the grace of freedom and the joy from being freed.
living in the light means that the darkness is exposed (scary) but also means that the darkness is expelled (awesome)
good thing God is light, which probably means that living in the light means living under God and His glory, living w/ Him. which makes our relationship w/ Him our lives.
i have no idea if this all makes sense but something I heard recently is that our relationship w/ God IS my life. or at least it should be.
and i also know this for sure, living in the light and bringing things of my past, my sins, my struggles, and my burdens out and actively letting God and people be a part of it is very freeing and leads me to enjoy God and His blessings so much more and in all this, He is glorified because this is only possible because of who He is, the cross, the gospel, His love, His grace, and so much more.
I love you God! Only You are worthy of my praise, my devotion, my desire and only You can satisfy me and my deepest needs/thirsts.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
i'm weird
i'm weird...hehe
i'm :D
i'm joyous and free!
but given the circumstances, i shouldn't be
i'm not really emotionally healthy right now
i've been using God to run from God, doing for God instead of being with God, and living without limits
there's a lot of work needed to be done in me
i needs to learn to let go of power and control and surrender to my limits
there's also a lot of responsibility on my shoulders that i'm bearing
but there's nothing I can do, literally, the only way I can become healthy and learn all these things is by God's grace
so i'm completely dependent on God and i'm loving it b/c I trust Him.
and this complete dependency is leaving me feeling so joyous and free.
:D
next quarter, next year, my grades, my life, my responsibilities, my relationships, it's not about me, it's about Him and His glory and enjoying Him. :D
i'm :D
i'm joyous and free!
but given the circumstances, i shouldn't be
i'm not really emotionally healthy right now
i've been using God to run from God, doing for God instead of being with God, and living without limits
there's a lot of work needed to be done in me
i needs to learn to let go of power and control and surrender to my limits
there's also a lot of responsibility on my shoulders that i'm bearing
but there's nothing I can do, literally, the only way I can become healthy and learn all these things is by God's grace
so i'm completely dependent on God and i'm loving it b/c I trust Him.
and this complete dependency is leaving me feeling so joyous and free.
:D
next quarter, next year, my grades, my life, my responsibilities, my relationships, it's not about me, it's about Him and His glory and enjoying Him. :D
Saturday, March 6, 2010
the alter and the door
for some reason all day today this song kept on popping up so i finally listened to it and i semi-see why now.
the link is :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjRFZEpihNc
the lyrics are below:
Careless, I am reckless
I'm a wrong way traveling, slowly unraveling, shell of a man
Burn out, I'm so numb now
That the fire's just an ember way down in the corner, of my cold, cold heart
Lord this time, I'll make it right
Here at the altar I lay my life
You're kingdom come and my will was done
My heart is broken as I cry....
Like so many times before
But my eyes
Are dry before I leave the floor
Oh Lord I try...(I'll try)
but this time Jesus how can I be sure
I would not lose my follow through
between the altar and the door
Here at the altar
Oh my world so black and white
How could I ever falter
What you've shown me to be right
Lord this time (Lord this time)
I'll make it right (make it right)
Here at the altar I lay my life
You're kingdom come, but my will was done
my heart is broken as I cry
Like so many times before
but my eyes, are dry before I leave the floor
Oh Lord I try... (I'll try)
but this time Jesus how can I be sure
I would not lose my follow through
between the altar and the door
I'm trying so hard, to stop trying so hard
just let you be who you are
Lord who You are in me
Jesus I'm trying so hard
to stop trying so hard
Just let you be who you are
Lord who You are in me, Oh Lord I...
Cry....
like so many times before
but my eyes are dry before I leave the floor
Oh Lord I try...(I'll try)
but this time Jesus how can I be sure
I would not lose my follow through
between the altar and the door
Cry...(My eyes are dry)
Like so many times before (So many times)
But my eyes (eyes)
Are dry before I leave the floor
Oh Lord I try (I'll try)
But this time Jesus how can I be sure
I would not lose my follow through
between the altar and the door
try...(trying so hard)
like so many times before... (try so hard)
the link is :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjRFZEpihNc
the lyrics are below:
Careless, I am reckless
I'm a wrong way traveling, slowly unraveling, shell of a man
Burn out, I'm so numb now
That the fire's just an ember way down in the corner, of my cold, cold heart
Lord this time, I'll make it right
Here at the altar I lay my life
You're kingdom come and my will was done
My heart is broken as I cry....
Like so many times before
But my eyes
Are dry before I leave the floor
Oh Lord I try...(I'll try)
but this time Jesus how can I be sure
I would not lose my follow through
between the altar and the door
Here at the altar
Oh my world so black and white
How could I ever falter
What you've shown me to be right
Lord this time (Lord this time)
I'll make it right (make it right)
Here at the altar I lay my life
You're kingdom come, but my will was done
my heart is broken as I cry
Like so many times before
but my eyes, are dry before I leave the floor
Oh Lord I try... (I'll try)
but this time Jesus how can I be sure
I would not lose my follow through
between the altar and the door
I'm trying so hard, to stop trying so hard
just let you be who you are
Lord who You are in me
Jesus I'm trying so hard
to stop trying so hard
Just let you be who you are
Lord who You are in me, Oh Lord I...
Cry....
like so many times before
but my eyes are dry before I leave the floor
Oh Lord I try...(I'll try)
but this time Jesus how can I be sure
I would not lose my follow through
between the altar and the door
Cry...(My eyes are dry)
Like so many times before (So many times)
But my eyes (eyes)
Are dry before I leave the floor
Oh Lord I try (I'll try)
But this time Jesus how can I be sure
I would not lose my follow through
between the altar and the door
try...(trying so hard)
like so many times before... (try so hard)
Thursday, March 4, 2010
life
i chose a train cuz idk what else fits but there's probably better analogies since this one is probably faulty. anyways here it is:
you're on a stop. the train pulls up. you do not know where it is going but the conductor calls you to join him and take a ride with him. you do not really know the conductor but he seems trustworthy and safe.
He says, "come, join me, I want you to experience this ride with me."
you decide to take this chance. with all your baggage (that's really heavy and hurtful and too much in your own power to take care of) and everything that's been happening and failing, you have no reason not to take this chance and maybe finally find rest, peace, and joy.
you take all your baggage with you into the train but someone who holds the identity of the conductor but at the same time different takes all your baggage and says, "I will and have taken care of all your burdens, find rest and relax."
you take a seat and see in the train that there are others like you, full of baggage and looking for a purpose, some of their baggage are the same as yours and some are different. you also see that with each passenger you see is another person that holds the same identity as the conductor and the baggage taker but this person is looks exactly the same (like this person is everywhere) and you realize that he is also with you.
the train starts and leaves the station. you look out and see different things. some are amazing, some are peaceful, some are disturbing, some are depressing, etc.
you soon realize that each passenger's view is different, they may not see the same thing you are seeing at the same moment but they are available to talk to and care for you and vice versa. you also find that the person that is always with you seems to be a guide and helps you understand the things you see and experience.
at times, you are enjoying your ride getting to know others, the conductor, the baggage taker, the guide, and the view.
at times you are distracted and lose hope and start worrying where you are going and what's going to happen b/c of the negative views you are seeing.
at times you start worrying about your baggage and you actually go to your baggage and start working on your stuff losing the opportunity to experience the lives of everyone on the train and also the amazing views.
you also realize that when you are distracted working on your baggage the conductor slows the train down trying to get you to stop, relax, and experience the ride. you also find the baggage taker saying, "I have and am taking care of you baggage, trust me, and find rest."
as you learn more and more about the conductor, baggage taker, and guide with the other passengers you learn to trust these three who hold the same identity, to love them, and to want others to know him.
you decide to become more and more like him and also to invite others to join on the ride with whoever you meet at stops even though you still do not know where the train ride is going exactly.
but you also find yourself struggling to do what you desire, being distracted by your baggage and things outside, but you also find that he is continously forgiving and graceful. being patient, loving, and encouraging.
eventually the ride ends. and the conductor says "well done good and faithful servant, you are my son who I am well pleased."
you wonder and say, " I don't deserve anything, I haven't done anything at all."
but He says, "you chose to trust me and in my promises. that is enough, my son, the baggage taker, has taken care of everything and bore everything for you. He has paid your payment and made you worthy to be on this ride by dying and rising from the dead."
you look back and see people who were not on the train with you begging, crying, suffering, wanting to be forgiven and be at the destination. and you ask, "what about them, what's happening?"
He says, "they chose not to trust me, my promises, and believe who my Son is and what He has done for them and now it's too late and must pay for their sins and that is their punishment/payment, Hell."
you soon learn that you are in heaven and that in heaven, there's no more suffering, pain, and tears and that everyone knows the conductor and worships him and you join them. you join them and worship for thousands of years but it all seems to be just one day.
i don't know how i got all this but yea, just a little, but probably a lot at the same time, of what I see/experience.
if you still don't know what the analogy is about. contact me and lets talk.
you're on a stop. the train pulls up. you do not know where it is going but the conductor calls you to join him and take a ride with him. you do not really know the conductor but he seems trustworthy and safe.
He says, "come, join me, I want you to experience this ride with me."
you decide to take this chance. with all your baggage (that's really heavy and hurtful and too much in your own power to take care of) and everything that's been happening and failing, you have no reason not to take this chance and maybe finally find rest, peace, and joy.
you take all your baggage with you into the train but someone who holds the identity of the conductor but at the same time different takes all your baggage and says, "I will and have taken care of all your burdens, find rest and relax."
you take a seat and see in the train that there are others like you, full of baggage and looking for a purpose, some of their baggage are the same as yours and some are different. you also see that with each passenger you see is another person that holds the same identity as the conductor and the baggage taker but this person is looks exactly the same (like this person is everywhere) and you realize that he is also with you.
the train starts and leaves the station. you look out and see different things. some are amazing, some are peaceful, some are disturbing, some are depressing, etc.
you soon realize that each passenger's view is different, they may not see the same thing you are seeing at the same moment but they are available to talk to and care for you and vice versa. you also find that the person that is always with you seems to be a guide and helps you understand the things you see and experience.
at times, you are enjoying your ride getting to know others, the conductor, the baggage taker, the guide, and the view.
at times you are distracted and lose hope and start worrying where you are going and what's going to happen b/c of the negative views you are seeing.
at times you start worrying about your baggage and you actually go to your baggage and start working on your stuff losing the opportunity to experience the lives of everyone on the train and also the amazing views.
you also realize that when you are distracted working on your baggage the conductor slows the train down trying to get you to stop, relax, and experience the ride. you also find the baggage taker saying, "I have and am taking care of you baggage, trust me, and find rest."
as you learn more and more about the conductor, baggage taker, and guide with the other passengers you learn to trust these three who hold the same identity, to love them, and to want others to know him.
you decide to become more and more like him and also to invite others to join on the ride with whoever you meet at stops even though you still do not know where the train ride is going exactly.
but you also find yourself struggling to do what you desire, being distracted by your baggage and things outside, but you also find that he is continously forgiving and graceful. being patient, loving, and encouraging.
eventually the ride ends. and the conductor says "well done good and faithful servant, you are my son who I am well pleased."
you wonder and say, " I don't deserve anything, I haven't done anything at all."
but He says, "you chose to trust me and in my promises. that is enough, my son, the baggage taker, has taken care of everything and bore everything for you. He has paid your payment and made you worthy to be on this ride by dying and rising from the dead."
you look back and see people who were not on the train with you begging, crying, suffering, wanting to be forgiven and be at the destination. and you ask, "what about them, what's happening?"
He says, "they chose not to trust me, my promises, and believe who my Son is and what He has done for them and now it's too late and must pay for their sins and that is their punishment/payment, Hell."
you soon learn that you are in heaven and that in heaven, there's no more suffering, pain, and tears and that everyone knows the conductor and worships him and you join them. you join them and worship for thousands of years but it all seems to be just one day.
i don't know how i got all this but yea, just a little, but probably a lot at the same time, of what I see/experience.
if you still don't know what the analogy is about. contact me and lets talk.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
what do I want
what do you want to do? what do YOU want in life? what does your soul, what does your heart desire in life?
this was a question posted to a pastor when he was in counseling and he shared this in a sermon.
link is: http://www.xarischurch.org/sermons/xaris20100207.html
it's a good sermon.
anyways, the question got me thinking. what do I want in life? what does my soul and heart desire in life?
my instincts, my immediate answer was to be with God, to serve Him.
my uttermost desire in life is to glorify God and to be with Him.
I am so happy and relieved that my instincts said this answer b/c I've been struggling with God the past couple of days for some reason and it has left me really emo/depressed/w.e. The point is that I was/am not doing well.
I am comforted that my deepest desire is still to be with God and only He can satisfy me and not relationships or my work or other things that I struggle with and take my attention away from God.
this comfort, this relief, this peace, makes it all easier to let go of the things I want to control, of the things that make me feel safe, of the things that distract me from God.
not saying it's not gonna be hard but it definitely is gonna be a little bit easier now.
dangerous prayer here I come:
"Lord, I love you. I need you. I want you and only you. Thank you for everything. Take whatever you want. whatever Lord. whatever. I give you my all. I lay it all down. Amen."
this was a question posted to a pastor when he was in counseling and he shared this in a sermon.
link is: http://www.xarischurch.org/sermons/xaris20100207.html
it's a good sermon.
anyways, the question got me thinking. what do I want in life? what does my soul and heart desire in life?
my instincts, my immediate answer was to be with God, to serve Him.
my uttermost desire in life is to glorify God and to be with Him.
I am so happy and relieved that my instincts said this answer b/c I've been struggling with God the past couple of days for some reason and it has left me really emo/depressed/w.e. The point is that I was/am not doing well.
I am comforted that my deepest desire is still to be with God and only He can satisfy me and not relationships or my work or other things that I struggle with and take my attention away from God.
this comfort, this relief, this peace, makes it all easier to let go of the things I want to control, of the things that make me feel safe, of the things that distract me from God.
not saying it's not gonna be hard but it definitely is gonna be a little bit easier now.
dangerous prayer here I come:
"Lord, I love you. I need you. I want you and only you. Thank you for everything. Take whatever you want. whatever Lord. whatever. I give you my all. I lay it all down. Amen."
Sunday, February 21, 2010
influence
anyways...i've been thinking about influence quite a bit lately.
i'm beginning to realize i influence a lot of people. some i influence directly and some is cuz i'm a leader and looked up to in a way.
i am so not used to being looked up to. I'm used to being the young one who does not really have to set an example for others in the ministry. but now, it is my responsibility. I gotta be honest, being a model for others is weird for me and hard. I'm not used to being the good example, an example of grace, love, truth, serving, and etc.
i've begun to notice that the people I do influence directly hold characteristics of myself and some I do not like. I see these people being mean at times, crude at times, violent at times too.
there has also been some people that have jokingly said that I am a bad influence and I have not taken any offense to these statements but it has made me think about the influence I am giving off.
I am not the young one anymore. I am a leader of a movement. I influence many people. I am being watched by others. Considering all this, what has been said, and what I'm noticing, I need to watch what I say and do.
this is going to be a challenge for me. what to change, what to stop, what to limit, and what to keep as my personality?
Lord help me. give me discernment. may I be more and more like You. may they see You and not me.
i'm beginning to realize i influence a lot of people. some i influence directly and some is cuz i'm a leader and looked up to in a way.
i am so not used to being looked up to. I'm used to being the young one who does not really have to set an example for others in the ministry. but now, it is my responsibility. I gotta be honest, being a model for others is weird for me and hard. I'm not used to being the good example, an example of grace, love, truth, serving, and etc.
i've begun to notice that the people I do influence directly hold characteristics of myself and some I do not like. I see these people being mean at times, crude at times, violent at times too.
there has also been some people that have jokingly said that I am a bad influence and I have not taken any offense to these statements but it has made me think about the influence I am giving off.
I am not the young one anymore. I am a leader of a movement. I influence many people. I am being watched by others. Considering all this, what has been said, and what I'm noticing, I need to watch what I say and do.
this is going to be a challenge for me. what to change, what to stop, what to limit, and what to keep as my personality?
Lord help me. give me discernment. may I be more and more like You. may they see You and not me.
Monday, February 15, 2010
asking for/receiving help
y do i find it hard for me to receive help?
i could be tired, in pain, busy, stressed, but i choose to be stubborn and not ask for help or even receive help that is being offered to me.
instead, i choose to be "independent" and push myself to the limit and even more. and then after i've broken down, i complain bout how much work I had and sometimes even say that I was not being ministered to.
so stupid Gabe.
an example of my stupidity/stubbornness would at curry night for my freshman at my place. I was suddenly overcome with migraines and fatigue and i retreated into my room and napped.
when i woke, Hannah and Tim both asked me at different times if they could get me water or anything. and i said no. and a minute later, I got out of my bed and got water and some meds while stumbling a bit because i haven't fully recovered yet.
I was selfish and stubborn and stupid.
right now i'm in a very busy week schoolwise after coming out of a busy week ministry wise and I'm tired, very tired. I did not rest much over the weekend and I'm pushing myself to work. killing parts of my body in the process and stressing myself out.
and yet, I choose to only rely on myself and not on the community around me. I choose solitary to destress instead of community. I choose to go through all this by myself with my own strenght.
I have no idea why I do this. why I find it hard, extremely hard, for me to ask for help and even receive help. but it is stupid of me to be like this.
God help me. Help me see the community that I have around me and the blessings/help you have in store for me through the people arond mewhile I'm busy and tired. Humble me Lord and let me able to ask for help when needed and receive help. Give me the awareness and humility to know when I need help and to admit it.
i could be tired, in pain, busy, stressed, but i choose to be stubborn and not ask for help or even receive help that is being offered to me.
instead, i choose to be "independent" and push myself to the limit and even more. and then after i've broken down, i complain bout how much work I had and sometimes even say that I was not being ministered to.
so stupid Gabe.
an example of my stupidity/stubbornness would at curry night for my freshman at my place. I was suddenly overcome with migraines and fatigue and i retreated into my room and napped.
when i woke, Hannah and Tim both asked me at different times if they could get me water or anything. and i said no. and a minute later, I got out of my bed and got water and some meds while stumbling a bit because i haven't fully recovered yet.
I was selfish and stubborn and stupid.
right now i'm in a very busy week schoolwise after coming out of a busy week ministry wise and I'm tired, very tired. I did not rest much over the weekend and I'm pushing myself to work. killing parts of my body in the process and stressing myself out.
and yet, I choose to only rely on myself and not on the community around me. I choose solitary to destress instead of community. I choose to go through all this by myself with my own strenght.
I have no idea why I do this. why I find it hard, extremely hard, for me to ask for help and even receive help. but it is stupid of me to be like this.
God help me. Help me see the community that I have around me and the blessings/help you have in store for me through the people arond mewhile I'm busy and tired. Humble me Lord and let me able to ask for help when needed and receive help. Give me the awareness and humility to know when I need help and to admit it.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
sin
there is so much sin and pain in this world. it's really discouraging. at times, when I think about the pain and hurt people are going through, it's hard to live w/ hope. i just get extremely sad.
an example would be seeing my brothers struggle, going through the same things I did/I am and going through even more pain and different types of pressures and hurts. It makes my heart break and me cry.
another would be how a lot of us try to spend as little time as we can with our family, we try to leave Davis the latest we can and get back to Davis the earliest we can. it's heartbreaking. this is our families we are talking about and yet family life is so hard we try to stay safe and comfortable as much as we can. truly sad that this is a reality.
there will be one day where there will be no more pain, no more tears. I hope, I pray that that day comes soon. I hope, I pray that people will realize the hope, peace, comfort, joy, and many other things Jesus offers while sin continues to wreak havoc in their lives and all over the world.
God be oh so very real to all of your creation that we can not ignore who you are and have no other choice but to acknowledge you, fall on our knees, praise you, and proclaim who you are.
an example would be seeing my brothers struggle, going through the same things I did/I am and going through even more pain and different types of pressures and hurts. It makes my heart break and me cry.
another would be how a lot of us try to spend as little time as we can with our family, we try to leave Davis the latest we can and get back to Davis the earliest we can. it's heartbreaking. this is our families we are talking about and yet family life is so hard we try to stay safe and comfortable as much as we can. truly sad that this is a reality.
there will be one day where there will be no more pain, no more tears. I hope, I pray that that day comes soon. I hope, I pray that people will realize the hope, peace, comfort, joy, and many other things Jesus offers while sin continues to wreak havoc in their lives and all over the world.
God be oh so very real to all of your creation that we can not ignore who you are and have no other choice but to acknowledge you, fall on our knees, praise you, and proclaim who you are.
Monday, February 8, 2010
ministry
i love ministry!
just seeing people getting excited for what they are doing is so awesome! Even better is learning what their vision is and being able to go alongside that is pretty exciting!
I just love being able to support people's visions for what they are doing and even give them the go ahead. Supporting these leaders and telling them to go for it. It's so awesome!
I am excited for these leaders and what they have in store and what God has in store for them and what He will do through them and what He has in store for Epic and how He's going to use Epic for the spreading of His kingdom.
In other news, the last time I checked, NO is an answer. So when a person doesn't get what the person prayed for, it does not mean God did not answer the prayer but instead answered "no".
possibly more on this later (might rant).
just seeing people getting excited for what they are doing is so awesome! Even better is learning what their vision is and being able to go alongside that is pretty exciting!
I just love being able to support people's visions for what they are doing and even give them the go ahead. Supporting these leaders and telling them to go for it. It's so awesome!
I am excited for these leaders and what they have in store and what God has in store for them and what He will do through them and what He has in store for Epic and how He's going to use Epic for the spreading of His kingdom.
In other news, the last time I checked, NO is an answer. So when a person doesn't get what the person prayed for, it does not mean God did not answer the prayer but instead answered "no".
possibly more on this later (might rant).
Monday, January 25, 2010
freaking out
i am starting to freak out!
gah! it is freaking scary.
my best to my parents mean that I get A's and B's on occasion.
and given this, what I am doing now for my 2 midterms tomorrow is not good enough for them.
and I have stupidly found myself in a hole and perpetual circle of studying and doing school for them and not for God.
there isn't much more I can do right now to study but I know that there is little chance that I'll ace both midterms tomorrow at this state and thus I am freaking out.
why the heck am I doing this for my parents and not for God? I have no idea but I am freaking out and scared.
gah! it is freaking scary.
my best to my parents mean that I get A's and B's on occasion.
and given this, what I am doing now for my 2 midterms tomorrow is not good enough for them.
and I have stupidly found myself in a hole and perpetual circle of studying and doing school for them and not for God.
there isn't much more I can do right now to study but I know that there is little chance that I'll ace both midterms tomorrow at this state and thus I am freaking out.
why the heck am I doing this for my parents and not for God? I have no idea but I am freaking out and scared.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
weird
I loved conference! it's my favorite one so far. but yet, I got nothing to blog about it.
weird
I find myself out bursting in anger twice in these past two days. Made me realize that I've outbursted in anger a lot of times this year starting in summer session 2.
weird
I wonder what's happening to me. what's making things so different. what's making things so weird. cuz i gots no idea.
P.S. the Epic Men 6 feet and under IM b-ball team lost their 1st game. I was out hustled in that game.
weird
weird
I find myself out bursting in anger twice in these past two days. Made me realize that I've outbursted in anger a lot of times this year starting in summer session 2.
weird
I wonder what's happening to me. what's making things so different. what's making things so weird. cuz i gots no idea.
P.S. the Epic Men 6 feet and under IM b-ball team lost their 1st game. I was out hustled in that game.
weird
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
masterpiece
(2nd part of a 2 part blog)
there may be even a 3rd blog to this one.
this is the main reason for these past two blogs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXut0HxncvY&feature=related
anyways, I am God's original masterpiece. Gabriel Fances is God's original masterpiece.
that is how God sees me, that is how I need to see myself, but I don't a lot of times.
I see myself as unworthy so many times in an unhealthy way.
The reason I see myself like this is b/c of the amount of sin I commit or struggle with.
One of the reasons I struggle and fall into since so much is b/c of my fear of loneliness. I fear being alone and the feeling of not being known. and when I have time to think, mostly when I'm about to sleep, I hear sooo many lies in my head. Lies telling me that ppl don't know me, my friends don't know me, that ppl are going to hurt me again, and to stop these lies or more like ignore them, I do things that would shut off my brain or distract it and some/most of them are sinful.
Another reason is my unsatisfaction with myself. I am unsatisfied with where I am and who I am and with what I continuously struggle with and/or fail to do. My parent's unsatisfaction with my results in school or whit what I do or with who I am is also added to this. And each time I sin, I am more and more unsatisfied with myself, and like the thoughts of loneliness, I try to ignore the thoughts of unsatisfaction and thus its a perpetual circle.
Gah! I feel like junk. I know how God sees me. and that is as righteous, as a masterpiece, and many more good perfect things. but it's so hard for me to believe. I know the truth but I don't bank on these things, I don't have faith in these things and I wonder why I don't.
but I do take joy in the fact that there are times I do believe these things. That there are times that I do believe and see that I am God's original masterpiece.
Gabriel Fances is God's original masterpiece and so are you. God does not make junk.
God chisel out all this junk that is not of me. I surrender myself to You, all that I am. I want to be used by You for Your glory, Your kingdom, Your work, and Your will.
there may be even a 3rd blog to this one.
this is the main reason for these past two blogs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXut0HxncvY&feature=related
anyways, I am God's original masterpiece. Gabriel Fances is God's original masterpiece.
that is how God sees me, that is how I need to see myself, but I don't a lot of times.
I see myself as unworthy so many times in an unhealthy way.
The reason I see myself like this is b/c of the amount of sin I commit or struggle with.
One of the reasons I struggle and fall into since so much is b/c of my fear of loneliness. I fear being alone and the feeling of not being known. and when I have time to think, mostly when I'm about to sleep, I hear sooo many lies in my head. Lies telling me that ppl don't know me, my friends don't know me, that ppl are going to hurt me again, and to stop these lies or more like ignore them, I do things that would shut off my brain or distract it and some/most of them are sinful.
Another reason is my unsatisfaction with myself. I am unsatisfied with where I am and who I am and with what I continuously struggle with and/or fail to do. My parent's unsatisfaction with my results in school or whit what I do or with who I am is also added to this. And each time I sin, I am more and more unsatisfied with myself, and like the thoughts of loneliness, I try to ignore the thoughts of unsatisfaction and thus its a perpetual circle.
Gah! I feel like junk. I know how God sees me. and that is as righteous, as a masterpiece, and many more good perfect things. but it's so hard for me to believe. I know the truth but I don't bank on these things, I don't have faith in these things and I wonder why I don't.
but I do take joy in the fact that there are times I do believe these things. That there are times that I do believe and see that I am God's original masterpiece.
Gabriel Fances is God's original masterpiece and so are you. God does not make junk.
God chisel out all this junk that is not of me. I surrender myself to You, all that I am. I want to be used by You for Your glory, Your kingdom, Your work, and Your will.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
mirror
(part 1 of a 2 part blog)
when i wake up in the morning and look in the mirror who do I see?
I see myself. I see junk. or more as a masterpiece covered in junk that I can't wash off.
I know I am covered by Jesus' blood and that God sees me as righteous and that I have been made in His image and many more but I still struggle with how I see myself and each time I learn or hear more of who I truly am in Christ and how God sees me, it affects me greatly and touches my heart.
it's surprising to me on how I still need to be reminded of these things and continue to apply these implications of the gospel in my life and heart.
I see myself covered in junk or as junk (not sure) when I look in the mirror. I want to see Jesus instead.
when i wake up in the morning and look in the mirror who do I see?
I see myself. I see junk. or more as a masterpiece covered in junk that I can't wash off.
I know I am covered by Jesus' blood and that God sees me as righteous and that I have been made in His image and many more but I still struggle with how I see myself and each time I learn or hear more of who I truly am in Christ and how God sees me, it affects me greatly and touches my heart.
it's surprising to me on how I still need to be reminded of these things and continue to apply these implications of the gospel in my life and heart.
I see myself covered in junk or as junk (not sure) when I look in the mirror. I want to see Jesus instead.
Friday, January 8, 2010
hunger and thirst for righteousness
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied" Matthew 5:6 (ESV)
what does it mean to hunger and thirst for righteousness? the basic answer for this question is somewhat clear (needing to have or be righteousness so much that it can only satisfy the daily needs of drinking and eating ) but what does it really mean? what are the costs and struggles that come with wanting/needing righteousness this much?
to be honest, it is way too easy for me to fall into sin and I know that's true for a lot of people but each time I fall into sin, I get frustrated at myself. is that a part of being hungry and thirsty for righteousness? I don't know.
but I do know this, it's not a part of the joy of my salvation given to me by Jesus Christ. What I think having the joy of salvation means that even though I struggle and fall into sin, I remember my salvation and I am in the process of being restored and am joyful that I am in this process and willing to continue to fight and pursue righteousness.
I may be wrong too. haha.
I know this though. Because of the gospel, God sending His one and only, Jesus Christ, to walk on this sinful world fully human and fully God and living a sinless life only to die on the cross for our sins but rising from the dead on the 3rd day signifying victory; I am saved, redeemed, reconciled, restored/being restored, forgiven, and many many more.
and for this I am joyful, I seek righteousness, I want to continue to be joyful, I want to tell others of this good news, and many many more.
Thank you God. You are truly holy, good, majestic, glorious, worthy, sovereign, and many more. I love you. May I remember who You are and what You have done and Your name be glorified.
what does it mean to hunger and thirst for righteousness? the basic answer for this question is somewhat clear (needing to have or be righteousness so much that it can only satisfy the daily needs of drinking and eating
to be honest, it is way too easy for me to fall into sin and I know that's true for a lot of people but each time I fall into sin, I get frustrated at myself. is that a part of being hungry and thirsty for righteousness? I don't know.
but I do know this, it's not a part of the joy of my salvation given to me by Jesus Christ. What I think having the joy of salvation means that even though I struggle and fall into sin, I remember my salvation and I am in the process of being restored and am joyful that I am in this process and willing to continue to fight and pursue righteousness.
I may be wrong too. haha.
I know this though. Because of the gospel, God sending His one and only, Jesus Christ, to walk on this sinful world fully human and fully God and living a sinless life only to die on the cross for our sins but rising from the dead on the 3rd day signifying victory; I am saved, redeemed, reconciled, restored/being restored, forgiven, and many many more.
and for this I am joyful, I seek righteousness, I want to continue to be joyful, I want to tell others of this good news, and many many more.
Thank you God. You are truly holy, good, majestic, glorious, worthy, sovereign, and many more. I love you. May I remember who You are and what You have done and Your name be glorified.
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