junior year

if i was to describe my junior year into a sentence or a phrase it would be: "coming into light."

if it was going to be a song, i would have no idea, because idk a song that would fit dat. oh wells.

a lot of things came into the light this past year.

i realized a lot about myself, about how my past affects me, the power of confession, things that were happening w/ other people, things that were happening w/ me, a lot about God and my relationship with Him...A LOT about God and my relationship with Him.

i learned that i still struggle w/ performing and being perfect. that when i get put into a leadership position, i struggle with fitting the model dat i teach or is taught in general perfectly. the problem with this year is that it included forcing myself to listen to ppl, to be vulnerable, and to show grace/love when i don't feel like it.

i learned that bringing things into the light by either confession or just plain old sharing is very free-ing.

i learned dat I love God a lot and I can't get enough of Him but also that I struggle w/ trusting Him and also seeing that He loves me personally for who I am, for me, and that I am of worth to pursue and stuff.

I learned that I think ppl only believe in me b/c of what I can do and what I already did.

I learned dat God does love me personally, that it is ok for me to fail, that I am of worth to pursue, and some ppl do believe in me b/c I am Gabe.

I learned dat God's standards are not people's standards and a lot of times, maybe all the time, i think ppl's standards are what God's standards are and if i meet ppl's standards, God is pleased and glorified. and that is not true all the time. God is pleased and glorified when I pursue Him and enjoy Him.

i also learned just how fallen my community is and that is okay and that I should not have put so much burden on them to satisfy me, to satisfy my needs to be pursued and comforted and so on. instead I should have sought that in God and always God first. to seek God's kingdom first.

i learned that God is awesome and being a part of being completely accepted by Him is that I can share about anything and communicate everything to Him b/c although He already knows, He wants us to talk to Him and to see Him as our Daddy in Heaven.

there is a lot more dat I learned over this past year and so much more as i live for Christ, it's been an up and down year emotionally and stuff but good b/c God is in control and He is good and all of this has been according to His will which I am learning/struggling to see and trust is good, pleasing, and perfect.

the most recent thing I learned is just how much I can miss someone and that it is okay to miss ppl and stuff and also that seeking God first in this does not mean dat i stop missing dat person but dat i acknowledge dat only God can satisfy me completely 24/7 without fail and dat I can miss dat person at peace knowing dat God does satisfy and dat it is ok.

to summarize how i feel or think or w.e. about this year:

I LOVE GOD! I CANT GET ENOUGH OF HIM!