what to do

i don't know what to do after I graduate.

I can go to med school, go to grad school for something, go into the workforce, or go into ministry vocationally.

I know I can and will be able to glorify God passionately wherever I go b/c I love glorifying God but what really makes me alive is doing ministry, going into ppl's lives and pointing 'em to God and see 'em learn more about God and also give me a bigger picture of God and I also love going side by side a person and support them w/ their ideas and dreams and be able to help 'em see it through and see the joy in 'em when it glorifies God and influences ppl towards God.

I'm scared...idk what to choose...idk what my calling is...my parents believe that those who choose ministry vocationally are called by God and can't turn back and that adds pressure on me like no other and that is why I'm so scared

I really seriously want to figure out what I'm called to do w/ my life for the rest of my life.

And I'm tired of keeping my options open and seeing God open and close doors...i'm tired of waiting...I want to know now

i'm so tired b/c i feel so powerless and it gets me angry as well and that is the same w/ me feeling scared...it is leading me to be angry as well

I'm growing impatient and I just want to know what I'm supposed to do w/ my life after I graduate sooooo bad. I guess you can say I'm desperate.

I leave this blog on a cliffhanger b/c this is a cry and just a major spill of thoughts and emotions that I just can't process through b/c I am as well overwhelmed by everything...sigh...

love your enemies

I got this from Sunday's sermon at Discovery:

the heart behind loving your enemies is not to guilt them and make them feel bad as a method of revenge or payback but it is to point them to Christ, to point them towards God and His love for them and His desire for them to turn to Him and love Him. We love our enemies so they may be able to experience God's love for them, be humbled, and run towards God and yield to His will, not to get revenge or make them pay for what they have done. So they may not experience the chains of guilt, shame, and/or fear but so they may experience freedom from those very chains that even haunts us at times. This too is so we may also experience freedom from anger and wanting to get revenge and be able to experience the freedom, the comfort, and joy of trusting God w/ everything and that it will be good, pleasing, and perfect.

this is not a direct quote but my own wording of what I learned and further thoughts

desert song

Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow