i need a title

this article describes so much about me and stuff, way better than I can put into words myself.

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002297.cfm

trust

"He was going to teach us trust by exemplifying trust. Instead of communicating a lack of confidence to us, God the Father chose to share His Son' mission with us. He made us partners in the family business!...He is modeling trust so that we trust back...God is willing to take the time to win our hearts by treating us nobly. He really trusts us." - Becoming Who God Intended

:'( I am so sorry God for not trusting you. I'm sorry that I am struggling with this. I'm sad that I am struggling with this. I am so happy that you are patient with me. I am humbled by your love to me and your affection to me.

Thank you Daddy for your love to me and how you see me and value me. Thank you for trusting me and adopting me as your son and treating me as an adult. May I respond properly and take care of my responsibilities.

"I am not the sum total of my past. I am the sum total of who God tells me I am. The responsibility of the person who is in that Third Family Group [dysfunctional or stressed family] is to exercise real faith in how God sees us and value us." - Becoming Who God Intended

Thank you for your work in me Lord. I've been a grown up for a long time officially but I haven't been acting like one. I haven't been acting like an adult, not wanting to really grow up. Thank you for humbling me and being oh so patient with me. You trust me because You really do love me and trust me and You are patiently waiting for me to respond to your affection w/ affection, to your love w/ love, to your trust w/ trust, and so on. You are amazing Lord. I love you so much. May I learn more about You and not only trust you but trust others esp. your other sons and daughters.

gloriying God

I want and I desire so badly to glorify God with all I do, think, and feel. I even pray for this.

I have just recently learned that even though there is nothing wrong with this desire, it does not deal with anything about my motivation.

I may say that when I do this I hope it glorifies God but I now know that saying that means that glorifying God basically takes a backseat. That I do this thing for my own reasons and goals and hope that it also glorifies God.

This is all thanks to a convo I had with Hannah recently, quite recently actually.

In this convo, a new phrase came up, I don't remember from whose mouth, probably Hannah's, but it is I am doing this thing to glorify God.

This makes glorifying God the reason why I do things and puts God in the driver's seat of my life.

This idea seems so free-ing to me but this requires major trust in God, that Him being glorified may mean in things/results I did not expect/want and that takes major humbling.

It is gonna be so hard for me to really mean this saying and to trust God even more, if I even did in the first place, but I do want the reason why I do things to be that it is to glorify God or because it is glorifying to Him.

I want God to be truly first in my life b/c I know He is good and knows whats best for me. The problem is I don't trust that He knows what's best, I have problems trusting Him and I have no idea why and it hurts to know that I do not trust the God I love. that I don't trust my Daddy.

I pray, I wish, I desire for God to reveal to me the reason why and how I can trust Him (this is also hard cuz i usually try to figure things out myself). I want to glorify God. I want to do things to glorify Him or do things because it is glorifying to Him. I want to enjoy Him. I want to find satisfaction in only Him because only He can truly satisfy me.

Forgive me God for not trusting you, I pray that you reveal to me what's holding me back and guide me to be able to see your goodness and truly trust that you are good. May I do things to glorify you.

bad week

it's been such a lame week right now

full of long days, not very good sleep hours, failures, mess ups, hurts, lost bikes, fears, new experiences

hard things to do even though the right thing to do

i so don't want to deal with school right now.

I find myself desiring to run to my Father and be in His presence, to be comforted by Him, to praise Him, to be satisfied in Him.

I just want to drop everything and go to Him and be with Him.

one good thing of this week: I am continuously going to my brothers and they and God never cease to amaze me, give me grace, and be very affirmative supportive and loving.

living in the light

bringing things into the light is so freeing.

even though the consequences could be either positive or negative, it is so worth it.

i think that's also why God has us confess our sins even though He already knows what we did and He already has forgiven 'em.

we are to confess so we may experience not just the grace of forgiveness but the grace of freedom and the joy from being freed.

living in the light means that the darkness is exposed (scary) but also means that the darkness is expelled (awesome)

good thing God is light, which probably means that living in the light means living under God and His glory, living w/ Him. which makes our relationship w/ Him our lives.

i have no idea if this all makes sense but something I heard recently is that our relationship w/ God IS my life. or at least it should be.

and i also know this for sure, living in the light and bringing things of my past, my sins, my struggles, and my burdens out and actively letting God and people be a part of it is very freeing and leads me to enjoy God and His blessings so much more and in all this, He is glorified because this is only possible because of who He is, the cross, the gospel, His love, His grace, and so much more.

I love you God! Only You are worthy of my praise, my devotion, my desire and only You can satisfy me and my deepest needs/thirsts.