asking for/receiving help

y do i find it hard for me to receive help?

i could be tired, in pain, busy, stressed, but i choose to be stubborn and not ask for help or even receive help that is being offered to me.

instead, i choose to be "independent" and push myself to the limit and even more. and then after i've broken down, i complain bout how much work I had and sometimes even say that I was not being ministered to.

so stupid Gabe.

an example of my stupidity/stubbornness would at curry night for my freshman at my place. I was suddenly overcome with migraines and fatigue and i retreated into my room and napped.
when i woke, Hannah and Tim both asked me at different times if they could get me water or anything. and i said no. and a minute later, I got out of my bed and got water and some meds while stumbling a bit because i haven't fully recovered yet.

I was selfish and stubborn and stupid.

right now i'm in a very busy week schoolwise after coming out of a busy week ministry wise and I'm tired, very tired. I did not rest much over the weekend and I'm pushing myself to work. killing parts of my body in the process and stressing myself out.

and yet, I choose to only rely on myself and not on the community around me. I choose solitary to destress instead of community. I choose to go through all this by myself with my own strenght.

I have no idea why I do this. why I find it hard, extremely hard, for me to ask for help and even receive help. but it is stupid of me to be like this.

God help me. Help me see the community that I have around me and the blessings/help you have in store for me through the people arond mewhile I'm busy and tired. Humble me Lord and let me able to ask for help when needed and receive help. Give me the awareness and humility to know when I need help and to admit it.