what do I want

what do you want to do? what do YOU want in life? what does your soul, what does your heart desire in life?

this was a question posted to a pastor when he was in counseling and he shared this in a sermon.

link is: http://www.xarischurch.org/sermons/xaris20100207.html

it's a good sermon.

anyways, the question got me thinking. what do I want in life? what does my soul and heart desire in life?

my instincts, my immediate answer was to be with God, to serve Him.

my uttermost desire in life is to glorify God and to be with Him.

I am so happy and relieved that my instincts said this answer b/c I've been struggling with God the past couple of days for some reason and it has left me really emo/depressed/w.e. The point is that I was/am not doing well.

I am comforted that my deepest desire is still to be with God and only He can satisfy me and not relationships or my work or other things that I struggle with and take my attention away from God.

this comfort, this relief, this peace, makes it all easier to let go of the things I want to control, of the things that make me feel safe, of the things that distract me from God.

not saying it's not gonna be hard but it definitely is gonna be a little bit easier now.

dangerous prayer here I come:

"Lord, I love you. I need you. I want you and only you. Thank you for everything. Take whatever you want. whatever Lord. whatever. I give you my all. I lay it all down. Amen."