masterpiece

(2nd part of a 2 part blog)

there may be even a 3rd blog to this one.

this is the main reason for these past two blogs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXut0HxncvY&feature=related

anyways, I am God's original masterpiece. Gabriel Fances is God's original masterpiece.

that is how God sees me, that is how I need to see myself, but I don't a lot of times.

I see myself as unworthy so many times in an unhealthy way.

The reason I see myself like this is b/c of the amount of sin I commit or struggle with.

One of the reasons I struggle and fall into since so much is b/c of my fear of loneliness. I fear being alone and the feeling of not being known. and when I have time to think, mostly when I'm about to sleep, I hear sooo many lies in my head. Lies telling me that ppl don't know me, my friends don't know me, that ppl are going to hurt me again, and to stop these lies or more like ignore them, I do things that would shut off my brain or distract it and some/most of them are sinful.

Another reason is my unsatisfaction with myself. I am unsatisfied with where I am and who I am and with what I continuously struggle with and/or fail to do. My parent's unsatisfaction with my results in school or whit what I do or with who I am is also added to this. And each time I sin, I am more and more unsatisfied with myself, and like the thoughts of loneliness, I try to ignore the thoughts of unsatisfaction and thus its a perpetual circle.

Gah! I feel like junk. I know how God sees me. and that is as righteous, as a masterpiece, and many more good perfect things. but it's so hard for me to believe. I know the truth but I don't bank on these things, I don't have faith in these things and I wonder why I don't.

but I do take joy in the fact that there are times I do believe these things. That there are times that I do believe and see that I am God's original masterpiece.

Gabriel Fances is God's original masterpiece and so are you. God does not make junk.

God chisel out all this junk that is not of me. I surrender myself to You, all that I am. I want to be used by You for Your glory, Your kingdom, Your work, and Your will.