struggling

I am hurting, I am insecure, I currently don't know where I belong, I sometimes/a lot of times feel left out, I am struggling, I am weak, I feel hopeless at times, I feel needy a lot of times, I am grieving, I am frustrated, I am lost, I am not okay.

I am afraid to show or express these things.

I just keep thinking or hearing that people will be disappointed in me, that it is a burden to my closest friends and that it tires them out. That they would prefer to just hear that I'm okay. That they don't want to see this part of me. They want to see the strong secure Gabe. That the weak insecure Gabe is not worth their time and energy, no more like it is too much for them and they can't handle it. And that it frustrates them to see me so weak and insecure and so needy and whatnot.

God please do something. I don't want to be all these things anymore. I don't want to burden my friends. I don't want to hide from them either, in fact I can't not hide and that hurts them. I don't want to hurt my friends anymore God. I want to be strong for them. I want to be there for them. I don't want to burden them anymore God.

Help me trust you. Help me choose you to define me and justify me. It not only hurts me but as well as my friends when I'm not choosing you. So please heal me and save me. I don't want to be insecure anymore.