family vacation

today i just got back from taking a trip to seattle/vancouver with my family for vacation. the trip was from monday morning to friday morning.

the trip contained a various mix of feelings and events that has put me in a place where i can not tell if it was an awesome trip, a horrible trip, an ok trip, etc.

(one thing is for sure tho, i loved summer seattle weather)

i can say that i enjoyed being a tourist and looking around the sights of seattle and enjoying the mixture of city-like views and nature views. it was pretty awesome. vancouver was pretty cool too but i liked seattle better. :D

so the cities i visited were just fine but the family part was the confusing part.

it was a mix of confusion, frustration, apathy, sadness, and joy.

confusion - various options given to us w/ me wanting my dad to plan it all so i can just go w/ the flow b/c i was tired of planning stuff. but the prob was dat my dad wanted us to plan which leads to frustration.

frustration 1- i am always the copilot. me and the gps giving my dad directions. problem is, my dad tends to second guess stuff when things throw a curveball. he even second guesses wat i say and wat i trust in the gps. it just lead to a lot of frustration on both parts b/c i didn't want to navigate anymore b/c of the lack of trust but my dad wanted me to do it cuz every1 else stinks. this leads to sadness.

frustration 2- my bros and my aunt wanted to just go w/ the flow kinda like me but my parents esp. my dad wanted us to choose where to go. well...it ended up dat my dad semi planned and it was enjoyable ( at least for me) but not for my dad. apparently he was frustrated dat we didnt plan ( the reason we didnt plan is usually we dislike wat he chooses) and he was thinking we were frustrated. this fact leads to apathy.

apathy- b/c i just wanted to go w/ the flow being tired from ministering and leading, i just plainly didn't care if my dad was frustrated or not. i just wanted to enjoy being w/ my fam checking out an awesome city.

sadness- w/ my dad second guessing me and basically not trusting in my directions and in wat i was saying, i grew extremely discouraged and sad. my dad didn't trust me. and that hurt. it really hurt.

happiness- save the good part for kinda last i guess. haha. i did have some fun w/ my fam. and it was awesome. period.

i wanna focus on the bad parts right now. cuz frustration and sadness usually completely ruin the trip for me from the very start these things surface but it didn't. it obviously brought my mood down but it didn't ruin everything. dat was suprising. but wats more surprising is that i was sad my dad didn't trust me b/c i wanted his approval and him not trusting me not only hurt me but apparently made me doubt who i am as a man.

but thx to God, i realize that I don't need his approval or his trust b/c God trusts me and approves of me and is pleased of me. i've been so dependent in looking for my answers and affirmation as a man in my father ( like any male does) and that needed to change. i need to look to God and i'm beginning to do that once again. it is hard tho but its worth it.

dang, this summer has been really about trusting God w/ everything and going to Him first as a sign of dependency on Him and focus on Him.

and all this also has made me think of the reason i blog. and i've come to a point where i say i blog so that God may be glorified in what I share of His work in me and through me and also that I can share my life to those that read this.