i wanna change

i can change...i can change...i can change...right?

for sures i am a new creation. the old has gone. i know this. and i'm free from sin. i am no longer a slave to sin but a slave to righteousness.

but why the eff does old gabe keep on reappearing? y does old gabe keep on winning, resulting in me falling into temptation and sinning?

i freaking want to change. to change the fact dat i keep on losing. to change the fact dat sometimes i don't have the desire to fight.

i have the ability to win. I got God on my side. but i don't do anything. i just lose. and i wanna freaking change dat! i wanna trust God. i wanna change and stop failing. i'm losing and i'm hating it. i don't like to lose but that's all i keep on doing.

God! help me! help me change! help me trust You! let me see/know what trusting You looks like! give me the desire and will to fight!...please... :'( ...