this war is real, this war hurts

learned today from reading "Wild at Heart" which also referenced "The Screwtape Letters" that guilt, that beating myself up, is obviously not healthy but also that its from Satan, it's one of his tactics, to make things bigger than it is and to lose oneself from the truth.

sadly, i struggle w/ beating myself up. just today, i also learned that i've been passive aggressive and weasely to my parents on the subject of them wanting to go up w/ me to Davis on Aug. 2.

at first I did not know if i wanted them to come up but I was acting like I didn't want them to w/o really saying it. but now, I want them to come up. but I also beated myself up to a point where I became weak and vulnerable to temptation and more of Satan's attack.

but thanks to the grace of God, I was able to reach out to my community and was able to have truth be told to me so i could resist temptation and pray so that I can grasp the big picture, the truth, and cling to it.

this whole experience, while I'm still trying to stand and fight again, is very enlightening. I've just gotten a bigger sense of understanding for what community is for and i love community esp. my community God has given me even more.

and I also learned that this war is real and not just in the spiritual realm. boy was i wrong thinking that this war was really in the spiritual realm and not taking it seriously but its time to say NO! this war is happening inside me and all around. and this war hurts. this war creates wounds. there will be battles i will win and battles i will lose but I got Christ on my side and my "band of brothers" fighting alongside me. and this war's end has been written and we will be victorious!

boy am i happy that my eyes are even more open to the truth and the way things really are around me. and now, since i'm even more aware of all this, it's time to prepare for war and fight and bring alongside my "band of brothers" and open the eyes of those who are not aware yet.

time to put on the armor of God (Ephesians 6: 10-18) my community, my "band of brothers" (includes both my brothers and sisters in Christ ). please be ready so that you won't be like me and lose so many battles and feel so weak and vulnerable and continue to fail. God bless. :)

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17.