i am a failure. i know God wants to work in me and through me but i just walk away. i numb myself by following the desires of my body and ignore what God is doing.
but God is amazing. He continued to call me and pull me back these past few days as i tried to walk away. and oh man, is God strong. and as I am less numb to everything, I am more willing to fight and rely on God and let Him work in me and oh man is God's work amazing.
soo many hidden blessings through everyday things and also trials. soo many lessons.
oh how i wish i'm in davis right now so that I can be with my friends and my community and minister to them. but i'm stuck here in so cal, lost, not knowing what i'm supposed to do, who i'm supposed to minister to or serve, not knowing how.
i do feel lost. quite lost in many things. idk how i do get through stuff. it's pretty amazing. but man, each day, my heart continues to break, break for those who are hurting, those who are lost, my heart breaks for the people i'm around and those that i see.
i want to see/hear of hearts breaking, masks taken off, knees bent, people broken and vulnerable this summer, this next year, everyday, and especially this retreat that my church is having tomorrow till saturday.
each time i think of how much i want to see this and how much my heart breaks, i lean closer to a decision that i may have to make in a year or two.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
my dear brother in Christ, thank you for sharing. you put words to the same struggles i am having here even on project; even if i am seeing God work right in front of my eyes.. i want to run, but not at the same time.
ReplyDeletei'll be praying for you friend.